More Pix from the Park
By Vanessa

Justin called to wake me up early today because he knows I want to fix my hair. However, in that time, I've just been playing with pictures. ;)

Here are some of my all-time favorites. They were taken only last month, but they are awesome!

Justin with our adorable puppies (Czeckers and Darby), and two of me with my favorite "good boy," Darby! I love him so much! He's so wonderful! Too bad Dad said he smells like skunk this morning. ergh

Tonight is my party at Tomatillos. I hope we all have fun!

Freelance work is fun...
By Vanessa

Non-freelance work is fun too, especially when it involves Halloween, the bestest of Holidays!!! =)

Click here to check out the entire thing.

Freelance:

I also got to make 2 ads for Spoonful of Sugar today. Mary thinks I also need to design their website, but that's not up to me. :) However, the rotating ads currently on their frontpage, Kirkwood Studio shot and I edited.

Obviously their Fall ad is above and the Christmas ad is below.

Now I am off to photograph shoes for Lee Lee's website. Tra La La!

I love you Dork!
By Vanessa

News! Two items:

1) I found out which photos won in the HEB/Kellogg's Show Your Texas Pride Photo Contest (all of our photo entries can be found here), and I am very displeased with the ones they chose to win!

Justin's First Place
My First Place
My First Place
My Grand Price (will be in a calendar)

I mean, c'mon! Out of those options?!
C learly they were more concerned about God and religion than Texas Pride.

2) We found a great replace for me and offered my job to her on the spot. She was well dressed, well mannered, confident, had both studio experience and photoshop experience. Let the training begin (next week)!

Justin and I took the dogs to a park last month. hehe

SCORE
By Vanessa

I GOT THE JOB AT JETBLUE!!!!!!!! I start on October 23rd!!! YAY :D

AND I am going to Chicago with Justin tomorrow for a 5 day (4 night) vacation! Yay!

Previous Entry Posted on LJ only:

I just downloaded this thing called Flock so I could easily upload a lot of photos to Tabby's photo bucket account.  It comes with built-in blogging support.  So, I setup LiveJournal as my blog and wanted to see how it worked.

Craziness - Natasha from American Eagle (a friend of mine I flew with that lives in Chicago) called me out of the blue yesterday and wanted to come visit this weekened.  I will not be here, as Justin and I are heading to Chicago for our 2 year anniversary, so she is coming in town today !!!

Another cool thing: I was at El Tipico last night and got into a conversation with a guy in the waiting area.  Turns out he is the owner's son, and the adorable picture I like on the wall of the entryway is of him!  Also, he lived with his mother in Chicago for 10 years.  Small world!  He said he misses it but "the best opportunity for [him] is here right now, and sometimes you just have to go where the best opportunity is."

All of this after I was desperately praying for some sign of what I am supposed to do with my life yesterday.  Interesting....  

Keep on Goin' 2
By Vanessa

One more day and no more news. I thought I'd call today if I didn't hear anything, but I spoke with the background check company this morning, and discovered they were turning in their results to jetBlue "sometime today." I thought it would be best to wait until tomorrow.

I took the steak out of the freezer and put it in the refrigerator to thaw because I was being optimistic.

I took the scallops out of the freezer and put them in the refrigerator to thaw because I was being realistic.

*sigh*

Keep on Goin'
By Vanessa

I believe my heart will be broken if I do not get this job.

Life is a many splintered thing...
By Vanessa

Ate at El Tipico tonight with Justin. It was a delicious. Salsa and chips, tortillas and butter, just like when I was a kid. Yesterday, Dad took us to dinner at Rosario's in South Town. I am going to go to La Madeleine tomorrow with Belinda (hope hope). And Bill Miller's too.

All this before bidding FAREWELL to Texas. For a while anyway. :) Yeah, I am probably going to be moving. I know, I said Justin and I are going on a vacation at the end of this month. On a whim, I applied for a job Val! sent me a link to in NYC. The very next day they called and wanted to interview me. After my interview, they called and wanted to hire me. Now I am waiting for the background check to go through and I'll know when I'll start.

Justin and I shared depressing conversation about leaving Kirkwood over dinner tonight. We both really care about Mary and William and are not fond of the idea of leaving them.

Soon I'll post and let everyone know if there really ARE "blue skies above."

In other news, I won the photo contest I entered. 1 GRAND PRIZE (photo in calendar and $1,000 shopping spree) and 2 FIRST PLACES and Justin also got a FIRST place. Rock and Roll! =)

Pix to go along with it all...

PORTFOLIO:

	Special thanks to Sheila for her wonderful sewing skills. Wayyy cooler than bradding/taping things together. :)
PLANE:
ME and JETBLUE VIEW view across Forest Hills/Queens. Felt like making a jetBlue composite.

Personal Accountability
By Vanessa

Yes, I feel guilty that it has been so long since I have written an update. 3 weeks or so! Oops.

I got a raise at work yesterday. It didn't happen in the typical sense. I was driving home at about a quarter to 8 when Mary (one of my bosses), called on my cell. She and her husband William (boss #2) had been in Arizona since Sunday. She had called two days in a row to check up on the studio and, I imagine, me. After making a little small talk, she informed me they decided to give me a raise. I was, of course, grateful. This is coming at an excellent time, considering Justin and I will be taking a 2 week vacation at the end of this month/beginning of next.

Justin and I have been working on Lee Lee's Shoes website. It's awesome to have a programming buddy again and to be attempting to learn PHP. :)

After a month long exercise hiatus, I have taken up walking again this week. So far, no running. Any short burst of rapid movement leaves me panting like a hyena on a hot dessert day. I don't think I should have completely lost my stamina in a month, but what can you do? Walking has been especially nice because we had a first cold from come through on Tuesday (coincidentally the first day I went for a walk). It is no only reaching the low 90's! Yay! It really does make a huge difference.

So there should be more to write but I have to take the dogs to the vet. Zmrzlina (who Dad and Steve call Dishrag... I guess that's what you get for having such an odd name) and Darby.

Callao Calais.

Holden
By Vanessa

Ahh the witching hour is upon us children. :)

So I was thinking about The Catcher in the Rye while I was in the bathroom, doing my usual nightly routine of bedtime preparation. Actually, I was wondering who commented without signature on my LJ, and I was thinking about how I had thoughts and words to relate upon finishing the book, but wondering if I'd actually ever get around to relating those thoughts. I quickly jumped from Catcher in the Rye to reading A Room of One's Own, and upon doing so, felt I may have lost that fine silky thread of thought attaching my mind to the subject of Holden Caufield, etc. The question that was posed to me on my LJ, "Are you a Holden Caufield?," is one of the subjects I was considering writing about.

Of course, I wish I'd read Catcher in the Rye at a younger age, - at the height of my teen angst.
(I wish I had my 15/16 year old self's journal, that it wasn't destroyed, that I could relate some of my youthful bitterness on these electronic pages of light)
- What I am trying to say is, had I found this Holden Caufield as a younger version of myself, I think I would definitely have agreed much more with him, identified more wholly and completely with the novel. Of course, I would still find myself estranged from it, being both female and lower middle class. I couldn't stand up to the privilege of his life, nor the independence, nor the bravery of the real "running away" which partly occurs in the book. I would have sullenly raged at the absurdity he places on so many women, at the distance between women and men in the book, and the mere prospect of prostitution would have driven a dagger between myself and the narrator deep enough I may have completely divorced our minds and set the book aside for a day or so. At least, even if I weren't to set the book aside, I would have still felt that despair of betrayal. How could a character I'd otherwise enjoyed, otherwise seen on the same level in many ways as myself - shared passionately their distaste for much of the world, of humanity at any rate, completely abandon me? *sigh* But books will do that to you, and inevitably they end. Always too abruptly. Always a little bit of a death. At least Vonnegut deconstructs his endings enough you never can care much when the books are over. Yet I still appreciate him. Odd, isn't it?

I was telling Justin how I feel I could have better identified with Caufield in my earlier years because I was less jaded, less succumbed to the reality of the world, still striving and boiling beneath the surface with potential and desire for things to be what I hoped they could be, but he disagreed. He said I simply would have been angsty and therefore could have identified. He doesn't believe I have succumb as much as I often claim in my more depressed states, mind woe-ridden from that same drudgery day-in day-out existence catering to people far more affluent that I can ever hope to be, and yet far more distasteful and fake than I can sometimes stand to be around. I can identify with Holden there as well, when he calls people morons (although I'd've called them fools) and phonies (posers). Although I don't spout it out loud anymore, nor do the words and vehement thoughts rage within my mind, causing my blood to boil, my heart to pump righteous and infuriatingly in my chest. Now I simply accept that our reality is partly so because of people like that, and I realize that not all people nor all reality is comprised of just those sort of people...

Dream A Little Dream
By Vanessa

Damn it.... I have been dreaming insane amounts lately. I can only attribute it to all the reading I have been doing, otherwise I don't know what my problem is. Yes, problem. I can't get good sleep when I dream like this. My dreams are not entirely pleasant, and often they've been leaving me in a bad mood. Honestly, despite the nature of my dreams this past night, I cannot completely attribute them to the negative and grouchy way I woke up. Before I went to bed last night, I barely escaped the unfortunate event of falling into the toilet! Justin failed to lower the seat and I almost fell right in.

I know you are now wondering, "What have you been dreaming about, Vanessa?" Allow me to quell your interests. On previous nights I have dreamed of my sister searching for animal crackers and being frustrated that she cannot find any without icing on them, I have dreamed about taking a math class with Justin but neither studying nor owning a scientific calculator and being thusly unprepared for a pop quiz, and I have dreamed about following large groups of people my age from a the scene of a crash at La Vernia road down to the highway (about 2 miles one way), up through a field, and part of the way back before I struck up a conversation with them to find out just why they were meandering about anyway. This discussion enlightened me: they were exploring. It struck me as sad and pathetic that they thought walking down a road out here and through a yellowed, cow patty laden field was exploration, so I shared that with Val! (who naturally appeared), and she questioned whether or not our similar wandering adventures on European plains hadn't been equally as pitiable.

By all means of comparison, suffering, and depression, the dream I woke up from mere minutes ago definitely took the proverbial cake. The room was dark and we (Val!, someone else that I cared for around our age, and myself) were in a house a house that was mine but looked nothing like it, and a bunch of other people that were simply acquaintances sat in the living room. My mother'd been out of town for a while, hence my father took up an affair and even a regular tryst with a prostitute on top of that when it suited him. On this dismal night, he had attempted to call the prostitute, to no avail, so he settled on the woman with which he was having an affair. She was a slightly overweight and at least partially hispanic. I saw little of her, but she was (from the what I did know) at least polite. They were in the bedroom, which happened to be attached to the room in which we were standing. They were a good way into doing their thing when lo and behold, the prostitute entered the house and went directly for the bedroom. I tried to stop her, but she opened the door anyway, to shocked shouts and screams. Of course, she exited about as promptly from both the room and the house. I waited a few minutes and decided to open the door to check on Dad and the lady. As I did so, she pulled a gun from her purse and aimed it at me. I can only assume she thought I was the prostitute coming back in, but what I did was I reached for the gun in my pocket? on my hip? I don't know where precisely this gun materialized from, but I grabbed it and shot her. Once - in the forehead.

She died and I called 911. It was an automated process and somehow I got disconnected. After waiting for a call back (there wasn't one), I called again and a real person answered. It took me completely off-guard because I didn't think real people answered anything anymore, ever. I told him a woman was dead and he needed to send a car over. Of course, my dream shifted to another dream before the car ever arrived.

The other dream I had included me on a vacation with Justin, spotting this same pair of goth gals almost everywhere we went. Toward the end of my vacation, I was sitting in a purse and shoe shop alone looking at different interesting articles, the majority of which had been borrowed by celebrities or made in their honor (gag) . The owner and clothier, a tall, large black woman, had just finished regaling me with stories when the goth girls came in again. One of them with kind of bad makeup but relatively neat, though ratty, extensions said she wanted a pair of boots like mine. Or rather "needed to get her a pair of those." I think we were either in England or some place like Minnesota. It never made perfect sense, and therefore didn't matter, but I do know we rode a fairy for scenic, tour purposes at one point. Anyway, the girl said she was just getting into 'the sceen' because a spot had opened up, as if it were something you had to VYE for, and she was going to be a promoter. I was surprised.

A little later she showed up at my house. Apparently we'd become friendly enough, and I had a DVD of footage my sister and I had shot when we were in Nola that I wanted to show her. I wanted to show her how beautiful in a goth aesthetic it was, and how the scene had been. A "real" scene. Yeah... Whatever. Before I could get started with the movie, Mom came home. She knew something was amiss as soon as she walked in the door. She was looking around peculiarly and asking questions. Dad and Val! happened to be around again, and I really was trying to keep the whole shooting of the prostitute under wraps. I was hiding in my room with Justin after a little while and Sheila had just come over. Her plan was to help us hide matters a bit. My dream basically ended here.

Possible rants in the near future:

Why I'm beginning to hate Craigslist, or at least, the people on CL are assholes!

Catcher in the Rye - Holden Caufield - Despair - Abandonment and Conclusions

Photos, why not?
By Vanessa

cool pic of Val!

Justin is working until 9 PM tonight. So far today I have read some of Catcher in the Rye, eaten breakfast (yogurt and English muffin), surfed the web for PF Chang's Sea Bass recipe, read about running, and edited some photos. Oh, I also called Lee Lee's and they've assured me they'll have revisions for the site later today. Good. As far as my list of things to accomplish that I wrote about in my last entry... I've accomplished the Story outline and submission. That is all.
Clicky click the picky pic to enlarge.

A dewy morning looking out of my window.

We helped Justin's friend Noam move from his house to an apartment this weekend. It resulted in some injuries and bruising. It also took 11 hours, minus a break for lunch, in the middle of August in Texas. Phew.

Below are a series of shots of Val! The first three are the same image. The original is on the far left. Notice how dark it is. Photoshop fun ensues. The one on the far right is probably my favorite, but I dunno. I like them all.

Not Much to Say but I'll Update Anyway
By Vanessa

So last week was a bore and annoying. Mary and William were out of town and I was stuck at the studio alone. I thought I might enjoy it, but I didn't. It's ok, though. They're back now. Thank heavens. :) And they brought me a pink sweatshirt from their trip that says Carmel. I was ecstatic. They're sending it back however, because it is a large and therefore a bit engulfing. Go figure. I updated my random pix on teh right. Val! trying to kayak with her new puppy. Me posing for Justin trying to get good shots of Mary's jewelry. And an awesome building we saw on our way down from Columbus last month.

List of things to do:

Screenplay
Lee Lee Site
Story outline and submission
revamp my website w/comments section
work on or let go of Adventured.net
travel section
update VanessaJupe.com

Welcome August
By Vanessa

Welcome August. Happy Birthday Tabby (08-03). Happy birthday Daddy (08-08). I finally got a shot I have wanted for a long time. I don't think this is too risque. I really like it. Yay for timers.

Click to enlarge.

Bullshit and Nonsense
By Vanessa

I am going to paste part of Joe's Livejournal entry from today right here as well as my comment back to him:

You,Me, and World War III
I think it's official- we're there ...

World War III.

But we are the axis this time.

I do feel like I'm in Nazi Germany- but instead of persecuting Jews in a concentration camp, we're helping Jews massacre thousands of innocence in a foreign land over $$. I hate getting in the politics of it though.

I hate that bit- I'm not hating the end of times deal. I mean, we all want to see the end of the story.

We kinda jumped in the middle of the story, but it was all exposition anyway.

I have a bit of an over-inflated Woody Allen complex about this- but I guess in reverse. I'm romantic about tragedy.

And, as promised, my comment to him:

I think I am the same way Joe. I think a lot of people probably are considering the apathetic nature in which most people live their lives now and the subtle disappointments we deal with from day to day. Our American hopes and expectations that are planted and nurtured within as children slowly are crushed underfoot in our "adult" lives. So, I too look forward to conflict and war and such because it might mean change, at least it will be something different, at least it will give us an excuse not to exist in our pathetic mundane existences - maybe it will make us feel something.

A lot of times I think people secretly hope for something bad to happen so they can exist without (or with less) personal accountability and shame and barriers. I don't know though, just hypothesizing.

Really nice exposition though. Too bad it always ends. Too bad it isn't just the beginning of some really excellent introspective novel.

<3,
Ness

Birthday's Over!
By Vanessa

For our birthdays (Val!'s and mine) we went to Austin, Kayaked, Stayed at the Embassy Suites and had a generally good time. Will write more later!

Birthdays ...Alas!
By Vanessa

Received | Demands

Bounty Received (in order of receipt)

• I jump for joy!

  Very small PS2 with Dance Dance Revolution! (Justin)
• A replaced windshield in my car (yay!) (Justin)
• Tetris Worlds for PS2! I am pleased. :D Feed the addiction.(Justin)
• Puzzle Fighter! (Justin)
• Gift card for Bath & Body works and flowers (Belinda)
• Cash & Card (Mary & William)
• Cash & Card (Aunt Sha Sha)
• Texas shaped necklace (Ma)
• A bunch of neat earrings from Val!
• Some adorable key chain charms meant to remind me of Val! (a cow with a flower) and Justin (a couple of Koalas) (Val!)
• A pretty nifty office organizer thing in which I fully intend to put magazines (Val!)
• Catcher in the Rye!!! (Val!)
• Jeans that I wanted from American Eagle. :) (Val!)
• Swiveling webcam from Mom & Dad. I need to take it to work with me.
• A check from Mom & Dad which is sitting in a savings account right now waiting to be used for either a bicycle or added toward a trip fund for next year. We shall see.
• Justin's Mommy baked me a chocolate angel food cake that was divine and an assortment of candles, bath products, and socks! hehe
• A bottle of Riesling from Patrick. He actually stopped by my work on Tuesday. It was super nice to see him. =)

click me!

My List of Demands!

• Catcher in the Rye.
• Canon 5D.
• MAC makeup (powder is NC30).
• American Eagle Vintage wash blue jeans in boyfriend cut: size 4.
• Gift certificates to practically anywhere or for some sort of spa service or haircut or something fun.
• A vacation or anything toward a vacation or anything that might be used on a vacation.
• A book publishing contract. Photography books first please.
• Warm Vanilla Sugar lotion, etc. from Bath and Body Works.
• Gucci, Gaultier, or some other perfume that smalls me-ish. I prefer it to have a musky vanilla scent but give the impression of being powerful, a go-getter, but not manly and not "fresh" smelling.

Rain
By Vanessa

A motorcyclist crashed through a fence into a cow pasture near my house about a week ago. Justin and I happened to be walking passed when fire trucks and police cars were arriving at the scene, attempting to resuscitate and salvage this man's life. As we watched, Life Flight arrived in a field across the road to airlift the man to the hospital. It seemed to take a very long time for the helicopter to depart, but I still had hope that the man would be okay. I said a few words to god asking for his help for this person. Justin looked at me and asked, "Are you praying?" I told him yeah and he just nodded. It seemed like the right thing to do ...because otherwise there would have been nothing I could do.

This morning I was out for my jog/walk. The early morning fog drifted to mist which turned into a light rain. It took me about two miles to finally hit my jogging groove, but I was feeling really energized and into it, thinking how much further I could go. The route I was on is almost five miles, but I felt I could easily have made ten. I was proud, pleased, and Darby (my 2 1/2 year old black lab) was being the perfect jogging companion. It was at this point that I arrived at the crash site, and to my disenchantment, I saw a flowered basket hanging drearily from the fence through which the motorcyclist had plowed.

Like a kid joyfully swinging from the trellis in my childhood home and accidentally landing flat on my back, air painfully knocked from my lungs, I was snapped into an alternate reality. A sadness almost tangible gripped my heart. My spirit and enthusiasm was extinguished. Running was no longer an option. It was everything I could do to walk. The man had died! The falling rain seemed to wash away any semblance of the man, the fragments of a life, the remaining splintered pieces of a soul. So this is the world to me. I kept walking, unable to shake the Despair that held me in its grasp.

I sent Justin a photo message of the event which simply read "Oh no :("

He messaged back ":/ sad they tryd"

I was coaching myself with positivity. Yes, they tried. Good for them. Better that they tried. But still he is GONE! And as I passed the small Mt. Olive Cemetery, my mind wandered to Candace's brother's suicide, and inevitably to Jared's death. I wanted only to lay down there, on the side of the road, in the rain.

So, after walking a bit more, I did the next best thing. I called my sister. By the intonation in her voice, it was apparent I'd roused her from sleep. "No work today?"

"No, it's a Holiday."

"I'm sorry.... I just though we could talk a little."

Uncomfortable Pause

"What's up?"

I delved into the story of how Justin and I saw the accident last week and how I discovered the unfortunate outcome today. She said that he was probably an organ donor and may have helped save someone else's life. She informed me that many motorcyclists are donors.

Not knowing this man personally, I decided to take her supposition as fact. I would believe this man was an organ donor and had saved one, if not more than one, person from ultimate doom. I thought, perhaps, he might have died even before LifeFlight got there, but they arrived to quickly transport much needed organs to waiting patients in hope of a bright future. I pondered these thoughts for a while, feeling slightly better, when my alarm went off.

It's only been about 2 weeks I've trying to jog some mornings - I used to get up at 7:45 or 8 and my phone still goes off at those times everyday. I haven't changed it because it's a helpful way to keep myself on schedule with a new routine. I was still about a mile from home, but my alarm informed me I'd come as far as I had in about 47 minutes or so. It would have been a blazingly quick morning workout for me had my heart not been so fragile. But I am glad for that as well. I've been learning (slowly) lately that my sensitivity is a good thing for me. It's defining. It's how I have practically always been, and rather than resent that part of myself, which is what I've historically done, I'd rather attempt to embrace it.

After re-reading this, I wish I'd written it better. "Been" seems to be my favorite word, and my sentences are childishly simple constructs attempting to relate a point. I apologize. Maybe I'd better go back to English 101.

A link to check out: Terra Spirit Photoblog
God he's got some beautiful work. I want a Canon 5D. It's the closest thing to large format negative work I've evern seen from a digital camera.

Photo Update
By Vanessa

I should so be in bed... but I have been busy working to bring you a photo update! Yay!!! So feel free to view the loveliness of Val! and I, all decked out and ready for the NiN and Bauhaus concert.

Photos pending upload:

• Wine Trail
• Houston this past weekend

Back from H-Town
By Vanessa

Returned yesterday from a long but fun-filled weekend in Houston! Justin, Dad, and I drove up Saturday morning to celebrate Val's! one year reunion working on the Judge Alex show.

Brief Description:

We all went out to eat Sat. night but my mom was kind of stressed/not in a good mood so dinner wasn't fabulous, but afterwards me and Justin and Val went out. We went downtown to a pretty boring bar and then left thinking we'd head home (as I couldn't stop yawning anyway) but Val! wanted to go to this club on her side of town which is rap and country (two separate areas). We had a lot of fun dancing there. Justin and I danced to two songs, even though we can't dance. And he asked me to dance to the last song of the night, which made me really happy.

Anyway, then Sunday Val! and I got up, had breakfast, hung around the house a while until Justin and Dad left. We went to Academy for her to get a new pair of running shoes. She tried on a few pairs and finally ended up getting a pair that she liked because they were bouncy... Then we went to casa ole to eat, which was awesome, and our waiter made us his especial! salsa!

After we ate we headed to Galveston. we walked along the strand a bit but it was WAY too hot and once again, I was yawning so we opted for mochas with an extra espresso shot from Starbucks and then hit the beach. Val! got hit on by an attractive, well-built life guard. We swam for a while and then played in the sand, built a sand "planet" sun type thing. It was cool. We went home, washed off our feet, and went to the track where Val! likes to run. We ran/walked for about three miles then went and got sushi and came home.

Monday I went to work and pretended to be Val! a few people fell for it, hehe!

Surfing around the web this morning...
By Vanessa

My head hurts, and I am tired. Why did it seem like a good idea to get up at 6:30 this morning?

I found some interesting quotes by Stalin, the "Father of Nations," the "Gardener of Human Happiness," I would like to share:

"What would happen if capital succeeded in smashing the Republic of Soviets? There would set in an era of the blackest reaction in all the capitalist and colonial countries, the working class and the oppressed peoples would be seized by the throat..." - Stalin

"We do not want a single foot of foreign territory; but of our territory we shall not surrender a single inch to anyone." - Stalin

Maybe the best one so far?

"Mankind is divided into rich and poor, into property owners and exploited; and to abstract oneself from this fundamental division; and from the antagonism between poor and rich means abstracting oneself from fundamental facts." - Stalin

True, but not exactly inspiring:
"The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything." - Stalin

Humorous:
"When we hang the capitalists they will sell us the rope." - Stalin

Quotes Below are From an Article...

And if you feel like reading more, there is an interesting conversation between HG Wells and Stalin here.

Or at least here is another quote I find interesting: "It seems to me that what is taking place in the United States is a profound reorganization, the creation of planned, that is, socialist, economy. You and Roosevelt begin from two different starting points. But is there not a relation in ideas, a kinship of ideas, between Washington and Moscow? In Washington I was struck by the same thing I see going on here; they are building offices, they are creating a number of new state regulation bodies, they are organizing a long-needed Civil Service. Their need, like yours, is directive ability." - Wells, 1934

"You will never compel a capitalist to incur loss to himself and agree to a lower rate of profit for the sake of satisfying the needs of the people." - Stalin

"The State is an institution that organizes the defense of the country, organizes the maintenance of "order"; it is an apparatus for collecting taxes." - Stalin

"Do the masses ever rise? Is it not an established truth that all revolutions are made by a minority?" - Wells

"...the classes which must abandon the stage of history are the last to become convinced that their role is ended. It is impossible to convince them of this. They think that the fissures in the decaying edifice of the old order can be mended, that the tottering edifice of the old order can be repaired and saved. That is why dying classes take to arms and resort to every means to save their existence as a ruling class." - Stalin

I'm a Pusher
By Vanessa

Wine Trail this Saturday!

I hope Tabby can go. Here is my effort in coaxing:

ch-ch-ch-changes!
By Vanessa

Well I had an interesting morning going through a bunch of ooold websites I have made since 1999 or so. I redesigned my personal site SO many times. Some of the layouts obscenely amateur and some quite pretty to me still.

I am changing the side column to just have webcam pix... archives, maybe something else soonish.

A poem with a message
By Vanessa

I've tried to send this out so many times already, deleting names, etc., but I am still getting the same error "Message rejected: too many recipients." At this point, I guess I will just be posting it on my website. So much for trying to start a thought-provoking forward chain.

Those of you who know me are aware I don't care very much for forwards. It surprises me a little to be the source of one now. My friend Joe {LJ | MySpace} recently created a compelling and impactful poem/slide show that I really think deserves to be shared with the masses. I wish more people would open their eyes and realize what is going on in this country sometimes. I am guilty of not being aware enough as well. We get so comfortable in our every day lives, in our routines, that we ignore what is being done to thousands of other people (and affecting millions of people).
I encourage you to really read this poem and watch the slide show, then send it to others. I also would gladly receive your feedback and like to know that you've passed it on. My email address is kumocat @ gmail.com.

"Canned Laughter(2)"
http://www.thestarlitecafe.com/poems/101/poem_8334980.html

Thank you,
Vanessa

Red Triangle, Black Background
By Vanessa

Just woke up from an odd dream.

The dream: It started with me being asleep (in a very deep sleep) and waking up to notice Bean Baby had taken a spill! She had become too top heavy that her weight had uprooted her and caused her to fall out of her pot. I nudged Justin, telling him what happened, very afraid and worried but for some reason too asleep and paralyzed with said sleep to get up and fix her. I fell back asleep. Upon waking again, I saw her fallen over and freaked out. She had little roses blooming all over her (where previously seed looking vessels had been). I got up to go fix her, when I noticed a new neighbor of ours was near my window.

He was younger (around my age) and living with his wife's family. They had a child, but his wife had died approximately a few months - a year ago. I started talking with him and noticed a gorgeous view on the top of a hill in the distance. A couple of old, country houses and pickup trucks were accentuated by the morning sunlight, shining only on them. It looked unreal. I turned around and grabbed Beloved (our camera) and ran back to the window to take some photos. Our neighbor smiled in a very appreciative, amused way and remarked on how beautiful the scene was. Unfortunately, the sun quickly shifted so I pointed my viewfinder to a local bakery (at the bottom of the hill and quite near his house). It was still lit up a nighttime neon in the early morning hours, so that the name "Pilgrim" (fancy that) and all the interesting Mexican pastry logos shone a dazzling display of artificial light colors. I took some photos but a masterfully driven delivery truck would, disappointingly, sneak into my shot at inopportune moments, causing epithets of sympathy from the neighbor enjoying my burst of photographic inspiration. When I was done taking photos, we shared a smile and a brief conversation.

I asked him about how things were going for him and he mentioned it being difficult finding work. He was a freelance graphic designer who'd done, supposedly, well for himself in the past but was having a hard time currently acquiring clients, though he did have a nice portfolio he was taking around to show people. He also mentioned something about his deceased wife, at which point I asked him how he was doing and he informed me he was handling things ok. I needed to bid him farewell so I could prepare for work and he moved to kiss me goodbye. I gave him a friendly smooch, but noticed his mouth was opened. Pulling away, he came back for another kiss, which he received, and thrust his tongue into my mouth. At the same time, a strange mess of metallic pieces were shoved into my mouth as well. I smile. Some sort of secret message perhaps? Something terribly mysterious! I waved him a frantic goodbye, exhilarated that a secret would soon be unfolding, and a little giddy and flattered that someone I never suspected wanted to kiss me. The bits of metal turned out to be a sort of 3 dimensional puzzle. A car or something? I hadn't gotten a chance to try to put it together. I set it on a table near one of the large floor-to-ceiling windows in my room so he could monitor the progress of it if he strolled by.

I wanted to tell Justin about the puzzle, as I thought he might have a better chance at deciphering it than me. Then it struck me that I'd need to explain the situation of how I got the puzzle, which I then understood was definitely not going to be acceptable. A wave of embarrassment and guilt penetrated me then. Guilt for having to relay a situation I definitely would not have found acceptable had it been in the reverse (Justin instead of myself) and embarrassment for having so thrilled to the discovery of mystery and a crush.

I abandoned the puzzle and went on my way of getting dressed. Throwing on a pair of pants and a shirt that happened to be nearby, knowing full well that I actually needed to wash my hair, I toward into the bathroom. My housemate and her mother entered my bedroom. They were very richy, trendy ladies. Both worked out. The daughter was not in excellent shape. The mother was thinner. She commented on how I could just throw together "and old hand-me-down thing" and look lovely. And "is your waste naturally that thing? You lucky thing." etc. Although I thought she was thinner than me. After a moment of unpleasant conversation, I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. The first thing that struck me as laughable was the patchwork on my pants and shirt. It reminded me of the hideous new clothing everyone seems to be coming out with that Justin hates and David calls "Clown clothes." I thought Justin would definitely get a kick out of it, regardless. Then I noticed I had some blue paint (don't ask me why) on my face and running down my neck, so I'd definitely have to take a shower.

Val! was in the shower when I opened the door so I asked if I could join her because I was in a hurry and she said ok if I had to. I did and our maid and her young daughter undressed and got in too. Val!, feeling uncomfortable but not wanting to hurt feelings, said she hated sharing the shower and wanted to get out. I straight-up told the maid to get the hell out and that she could wait until later. She started berating me in Spanish and said she was quitting. My response was "Good riddance! Take all your shit with you." or something equally as lovely. Meanwhile, and heaven only knows why, the gardener walked in to stare at Val! and me. We tried to ignore him but then he reached out a hand and rubbed my soapy breast. I told him "Admire from afar" and got out of the shower. I was now surprised at the amount of confrontation and sexual advancements made toward me. I definitely needed to vent to Justin and be consoled. It seems like something else may have happened also, but I don't recall what it was.

Upon re-entering my bedroom, I noticed I'd once again failed to correct Bean Baby's situation, and she'd dried out. Her beautiful red roses and ivy-like vines had dried. The roses were the yellow-pale dead color of dried-out roses and her vines were similarly yellow-brown and dead (if not very close to it). I began to cry and wail "Bean baby! no no no bean baby!" over and over again. My mother appeared in the doorway to my room, asking what the matter was. I pointed to Bean Baby and explained how she had uprooted herself and I hadn't helped her in time and now she'd dried out. I asked if there was anything that we could do, although I doubted it. Mom helped me make a very moist and fertile mud mixture into which we stuck every dry bit of Bean Baby we thought might still me clinging to life. I woke up after this, so I have no idea what happened.

Gladly, Bean Baby is in a fine state and I kissed her leaves lovingly and gave her water this morning. However, my movements have been sluggish this morning and I had quite a bit of difficulty making one cup of coffee. Argh. Now to shower. For Real. Blessedly Alone! Kudos to those of you (if any) read this entire update.

Blach it's 9:30! I need to LEAVE. Cute pic, huh? (click to see the whole pic, pretty :)

In the Doldrums
By Vanessa

I was considering putting this on my "About" page or just ignoring it altogether. Then I realized my website should actually be a reflection of myself and my true feelings, not just those which I choose are web-worthy.

I feel like a loser with a BBA.

That's all I really wanted to say. I don't know if grad school or anything else would solve this. But honesty, shouldn't I have a real career or something at least fulfilling or more impressive and be making more than $13/hour and working more than 30 hours per week? Shouldn't I be making a livable wage and fully using my brain? Is my mind atrophying? Was it even that impressive to begin with? Woe is me.

Back from Retirement!
By Vanessa

I am reintroducing and oldie but a goodie, the photos feature on my site. I haven't had this here since, well, it's been YEARS! Then again, I haven't had much of a site presence for a long time. Glad it's back, though.

I typically post on my main page when I have a new photo update. I will also have a "current pic" on the photo page which will be changed to reflect the most recent photo update and link to said update (pic on right reflect this).

Enjoy ;)

My Sister
By Vanessa

updated 5/18/2006 7:40 PM - adding pix from Dover

I love the pic on the left of Val! I told her it looks like she could be happy anywhere and really enjoy life and the world. The other pic is one she sent me this morning that makes me glad not everyone has to conform to society to be semi-successful. Val! is an editor for a TV show that is shot in Houston and broadcast nationally. I am glad she doesn't have to be a corporate clone *cick to enlarge*.

I got an email yesterday from someone living in the UK named Jason Jupe. How bizarre! He lives near Dover, so I had to go back through some old Dover pix and found some cute ones of Vallie that are not on our Kumo Cafe site. ;)

Customer Service Gets the Finger
By Vanessa

But first... This is so funny and so awesome!

Me, Princess of Power...?

I couldn't stop laughing to myself. Justin made it for me and left a note on my monitor to look at it. :) Awesome! You rock sweetie!

Now, on to my rant.

Avoid Pilgrim Cleaners

8313 Broadway - San Antonio , TX   78209

                     I had an extremely, disgruntling, unpleasant, atrocious experience at Pilgrim Dry Cleaners today. My boyfriend Justin and I stopped there to pick up a few articles of clothing after leaving the studio (work) yesterday evening around 6 PM . There were three employees working when we arrived, two of which (the cashier and an older attendant woman) were there when I dropped off and arrived today to pick up the clothing. The total was $30.21 for three garments (slacks, a delicate shirt, and a dress). I was concerned about the dress because it had a stain on it, which I had previously taken to a different cleaner. I pointed it out to the woman (cashier) when I brought it in and informed her I'd previously taken it elsewhere but they were unable to get the stain out. I was also planning to give her two other dresses to clean, but she informed me that those two dresses would be treated as formal gowns and cost $25 per garment to clean, so I opted not to leave them.

                     Back to the present: I began to write out my check and decided to inspect the dress to see whether or not that stain had been removed. To my displeasure, it was in exactly the same stained condition as when I'd dropped it off. I told her I didn't feel that I should have to pay for the dress since the stain wasn't removed. I asked her what the cost was for cleaning the dress. She told me it was $10 and that I'd been informed that the stain may not come out. I disagreed, stating that if she'd said they may not be able to take the stain out, I wouldn't have left it. That was my original plan! See if they can get the stain out, and if they don't think they can, take it home instead! I told her I'd be more than happy to pay the rest of the balance, but wouldn't be paying for the dress. She told me I could not take my things unless I paid for everything. I told her they were mine and that they had no right to keep them since they had not provided an adequate service.

                     She told me I would have to leave the dress if I wasn't going to pay for the cleaning. I told her the dress cost far more than the $10 cleaning, and that it was mine and I intended to take it. I removed my clothing from the rack on which it was hanging and asked Justin if he had a $20 bill. Unfortunately he didn't. Another employee (girl around 18), jumped in front of the door and said she wasn't going to move and let me out with my clothes until I paid for them. It was very Maury Povich-day time talk show-esque.

                     I stood my ground and demanded to pay only for the other clothes, not the dress, and the cashier said she was going to call the police! Yes, that was her solution, get the police involved. I said fine. She walked immediately over to the phone and made to dial the police, reporting that I was attempting to steal from them. Then she told me they were on their way. I said Ok, and set my things back on the counter. I was furious and had thusly raged at her with some of my previous statements. According to Justin, the young girl in front of the door was shaking, presumably out of fear.

                     After a short pause, the same woman (cashier) said she was going to call her manager. I said, “Good” and remarked that hopefully she'd have a better resolution. In the meantime, I commented that this was no way to run a business and asked Justin how well he thought the studio would do if that's how we handled things. I also said our services cost far more than $10. “Oh, I am sorry Ma'am, you don't like your $1,000 portrait? Well, you'll have to pay for it and take it anyway. No! We do make sure the customer likes it and we correct it if we have to.” The cashier decided to argue with me about this as well, saying we still wouldn't give them their photographs for free. I did inform her, however, that the customer does not bring in their own photographs for service, like I did with my dress. Argh!

                     The young employee decides she wants to talk to me about the studio, but after a moment of small talk, the older attendant woman pulls her aside and tells her not to talk to me. I didn't exactly hear the reasoning behind this, but I suppose it has something to do with befriending the enemy.

                     At any rate, after we were waiting a while, I made a comment to Justin that if you are the manager of a dry cleaning shop, it would behoove you to live nearby. As if she were spitting out venom, the cashier woman said, “She was on her way home.” I did receive some satisfaction in knowing I was so inconveniencing them all, especially since I'd little hope left that things would be resolved even remotely to my liking.

                     The older woman decided she would try to speak to me in a soothing, calm manner and finally said that the only thing they could do now is to give it extra care and try to clean it once more. Yes, now they offer this, after the police and their manager are in route! Of course I declined, stating that extra care should have been given in the first place and that no way was I going to let them try to clean my dress again.

                     After what seemed like an eternity, an SUV pulls up outside and the manager exits the driver's side, her husband securely buckled into the passenger seat. I guess this is one expedition she could not make on her own. Upon entering, and in a very snide tone I might add, she asks, “What seems to be the problem?” I launched into my tale of everything that had occurred up to the point when she arrived. She sided with her employee and said, “She told you the stain may not come out. That's our policy.” I was very angry that the manager of the store wouldn't even try to make things right or acceptable or attempt to give anything resembling good customer service. I informed her that when I dropped off the dress she was not present and did not hear the conversation. Her solution, again, was that I could leave the dress if I wasn't going to pay for the service. I told her that was no way to run a business. She countered that they must be doing an okay job of running the business since it was doing very well. I commented that it was doing well because it is a franchise with a recognizable name and a lot of locations. She was very miffed that I referred to it as a franchise and stoutly rebutted that it was “Not a franchise but a corporation!” Well, heaven forbid I thought she might have owned the thing. My mistake! I responded with “Ok, well, it's a chain that people know which is why you have a lot of business. It certainly cannot be because of how well it's run.” She asked what I suggested she do and I told her “Well, if it were me, I'd say ‘I am so sorry the stain did not come out and that you are dissatisfied with the cleaning. We don't want to lose you as a customer, so don't worry about paying for the dress.'” Of course, she did not agree with this. She asked where I'd taken the dress previously and why I brought it there. I told her where I'd taken it and that I took to Pilgrim because I thought they were a larger company and may have more expertise in stain removal. At this point, she repeated the new creed of warning against stain removal at drop off. Again, I disagreed and said I hadn't been told this and she said the cashier had been there for two years and definitely would have told me.

                     We all waited on the police to arrive for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, an officer got there and the manager opened the door for him, saying, “Come inside where it's cool and air conditioned. It's so hot and humid out there.” Ugh! He never once took off his sunglasses, which is a serious pet peeve of mine. He asked what the situation was so I repeated the story. He said it was a civil issue and I'd have to pay for the services or it'd be considered theft of service. I countered that the service was not performed and he said that was a matter for small claims court. He said my only other option was to leave the dress and attempt to come to an agreeable conclusion later. Yeah, right. I tried to explain to him why I disagreed and he said, “How old are you?” At which point I was flustered and livid again. “Why does that always come up? As if that has to do with anything! Why do cops always have to patronize you?” His response was, “Ma'am, I am not trying to patronize you, but you don't seem to be understanding what I am saying.” He continued into the legal lecture again, so I said, in a very proud an undefeated manner, that I would gladly pay the bill if I had to.

                     At this point, the manager lady said “They even offered to give you a couple dollars off for the dress cleaning.”

                     Outraged I said, “Oh my god that is SO not true!” And Justin concurred, speaking up with, “What? Haha no way. That did not happen.”

                     The older attendant woman said, “Yes I offered to give you two or three dollars off.” And the cashier supported this.

                     I disagreed vehemently. How can people so blatantly lie!? As if there were any ameliorating efforts made!!! I quickly wrote out my check and handed it to the cashier. She looked it over and asked me for my driver's license number. I provided it to her, and as she was about the clear out the sale, her manager looked over her shoulder and said “Oh no, a check under #500. No, no, we don't take checks under number 500.” I told her they were going to have to and she said they don't. It's their policy… So much for an employee of two years being familiar with their policies. I handed over my credit card, signed the receipt, and left with my garments.

                     On the way out, the police officer stopped me to tell me that I never had to go back to that or any Pilgrim's cleaners again, and that he took his clothing to a place called Maverick's. He even gave me directions.

Not Much of an Update
By Vanessa

Well, I don't have much to say. Vallie! and I have been working on a new project: MySpace glitter graphics. :)

and

The State of Things
By Vanessa

So I have been up trying to get a Blogger template that will work with my current layout without having to change everything to styles. I am tired of it. That happens.

My day started at a quarter to 7 AM. I wrote Justin a long e-mail. Enjoy parts here:

the world is gently waking up, like it tends to do, regardless of the state of our country or our world or the individual citizens in it the soft, delicate clouds are thinly stretched like pulled cotton, feathering - unraveling slightly at the ends today the breeze is minimal - at the tops of the trees there is movement, and then nothing. everything turns stationary, as if there is a solemn onlooker, requesting silence, requesting stillness, to really see us. wanting to judge us. And I cannot blame them.

I got up this morning at almost 7AM. Went downstairs and started coffee. Dad had a cup too. We made our respective hot cereals and I toasted my beloved Sourdough bread which has become impossible to find. Dad, as you know, as a habit of watching the little TV on the island in the mornings. Today was no different. In fact, he said "Let's see what's going on in the world today."

A shiver ran down my back. I'd often rather not know. I am beginning, actually, honestly, to question the validity of this statement. Knowing the evils of our world, the treacheries and abominations committed by governments and civilians, usually seems worthless. Usually just serves to depress and disgust me. But lately I realize that I live in a self-made vacuum. A strange state of isolation. And that, sadly, begs for stagnation - requires it. So do I choose to see things and know what's going on, or do I choose to remain in the dark and allow my brain to atrophy - at least the very significant part of it which relies on the world to flourish and exist and flex, you might say.

So it was that we watched TV. And there was the typical fear trying to be instilled in citizens. This was paramount in the story regarding drinks in clubs being tampered with... by a person working for their station. "Look how easy it is for Bill to slip something in people's drinks at clubs!" Which suggests that if Bill, who actually doesn't mean any ill will, can do it - an evil, lascivious rapist can definitely do it. Be afraid ladies!

Then there were some more, hard hitting, albeit disheartening, stories. Things that matter. Things that speak of the nature of our culture, both local and global. I'll start with the most "startling" (and I use that term loosely - you will understand why). An official in the department of Homeland Security as well as the TSA (Transportation Security Administration) was arrested for soliciting sex from a minor on the internet. A "14 year old girl" with whom he had explicit discussions on-line where he bragged about his job title, gave out his home and office cell number, and I suppose, inevitably, attempted to meet.

What makes these young girls so remarkably appealing? The fact that they are off limits? The childlike nature of their not fully matured sexuality? Physical immaturity? Mental naivety?

And then I saw a blip about Sesame Street going off the air for good.

Animal rights activists are up in arms about two cute bunnies being engaged in a faux wedding in some newspaper/tabloid. The photographs were cute, but the activists say the bunnies were disrespected. A news commentator remarked "What does that say about us?" heh :) At least that was amusing. I wonder if those activists were more upset about bunnies being photographed as a little bride and groom or about our Security Official trying to sodomize and rape a young human? I don't think I want to know the answer. There I am restricting my own knowledge again. =)

And in France, protests continue. 1,000,000 people marched in the streets of Paris against a new law making it easier to hire/fire young people. It actually sounds quite a lot like Texas law. Right to hire right to fire - no reasons necessary. I guess it's just an odd thing for France, and their government system is still slightly different than ours, so I cannot claim to fully understand the laws implications. I do wish, however, that OUR country, our good citizens, if such a thing exists in a large quantity, could mobilize for a greater good. But what would we protest? What would we march against?

People are too stupid to come together for something important, I think. I asked my dad, after he commented that our country was becoming ridiculous/getting worse (something of that nature), if he really thought it had changed and why. He said he thinks things changed once they took religion out of schools. He claims that at least, before, whether people believed in God or not, they had to at least sort of be aware of him. Now, I suppose, without this constant reaffirmation, evil is rampant. I asked him how that changed our government? He didn't have an answer.

So here is your inundation of news this morning. I might post something similar on Lyrael.com. Now is when I do a little research. I cannot find anything to support the statement that Sesame Street is going off the air and the news only briefly mentioned it and gave no details, so I guess we will wait and see.

The homeland security official was the deputy press secretary: Brian Doyle. He was arrested at his house whilst supposedly on-line with the girl and will probably only face some sort of pornography charge. I guess they decided to go easy on him since he is a government employee, after all. Oh sick, read this story: http://www.suntimes.com/output/news/cst-nws-aide05.html

Which is worse? The details or that the government planned only to put him on administrative leave? I guess we'll see what happens.

W00t W00t Photoshoot!
By Vanessa

I am excited. For the first time in years I was the subject of a Photoshoot. Granted, it was my idea. It's true that initially I wasn't supposed to be the main subject (I primarily wanted to take pix of Val! who wasn't able to make it down this weekend). However, I am so thrilled with the photos Justin took.

PS: Decided to archive the stuff from this year so far since it's largely images which take forever to load. You can always get to them again by going through the archives! ->

Oh, and Wildflowers! Represent!

Weekend run to H-town.
By Vanessa

This photo was taken on my way *up* to Houston to see Val! I have always wanted to stop at this little cemetery in Flatonia. To my surprise and delight, bluebonnets were already popping up!

Val! is the cowbell provider.
By Vanessa

=) THNX VAL!

pix:::

cap 1 | cap 2 | cap 3 | cap 4 | cap 5 | cap 6

Amish People Lend Aid - Rebuild Destroyed House in one Day! - Sent by Justin

Quick Image Update
By Vanessa

So tired... but this says it all:

Politics and Arguments.
By Vanessa

Justin e-mailed me an interesting article this morning with one direction: Email me what you think!?

On Japan's death row, executions in secret